How Do We Grow Spiritually?
“Good things as well as bad, you know, are caught by a kind of infection. If you want to get warm you must stand near the fire: if you want to be wet you must get into the water. If you want joy, power, peace, eternal life, you must get close to, or even into the thing that has them. … They are a great fountain of energy and beauty spurting up at the very center of reality. If you are close to it, the spray will wet you: if you are not, you will remain dry” (CS Lewis).
"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me" (Jn 15:4).
"It is not by effort or by wrestling that this conformity (to the likeness of God) is to be accomplished; it is by assimilation. According to a natural law, we grow like those with whom we associate, and the strongest character always exercises the controlling influence" (Hannah Smith).
"Now this is eternal life that they may KNOW ... Jesus Christ" (Jn 17:3).
There are
two covenants (the way you relate to right and wrong), law and grace: the "moral policeman" and the "people whisperer". The one that "rules" in your life will make all
the difference, whether you're a Christian or not. You will reflect the qualities of the covenant in which you live, whether you want to or not. The church has mixed these covenants experientially and has thereby neutralized much of the power of grace.
Making positive changes in our lives is not as easy as it sounds. If we really commit to living up to our standards, a funny thing can happen. We find that the pursuit of goodness can itself become a problem creating issues such as guilt, rigidity, legalism, bigotry and pride. The fact is, true goodness can only be achieved by an indirect approach. Working directly on our behavior tends to create more problems that it solves (Rm 7).
We tend to think that change simply involves right choices, but there is more to it than that. Healthy change must take place at a deeper level. It has to do with our heart, the place of our motives, which are in turn driven by things such as needs, values and attitudes.
So how do we change our heart? It involves the two great issues that I address on this web site: 1) the moral atmosphere or covenant [moral policeman or people whisperer] in which we make our choices and 2) the practical application of trust that allows us to let go of our needs and concerns, trusting them to God. Understanding and appropriately addressing these two issues brings moral and circumstantial PEACE, the foundation for spiritual growth.
Though psychology has its faults, it has appropriately pointed out some basic principles regarding how we change. These are actually Biblical principles. Many studies have found that the nature of the client therapist RELATIONSHIP is the most important factor in bringing about positive change in counseling. When qualities and attitudes such as freedom, acceptance, support and compassionate understanding are present, healing takes place. Restated: loving attitudes and support bring healing.
We seem to sense the potential in loving relationships but turn our focus in the wrong direction, to our limited human relationships. Though they can be helpful, our human sources of love are frail. They are often the basis of our problems rather than the solution. Our human sources simply don’t have the ability or consistency needed to be our CORE resource of love and support. They lack the capacity to give us the security we need to move forward with confidence.
This brings us to the issue of our spirituality, our connection with God. I know, many are turned off by religion. It frequently misrepresents God, focusing us on what we should do, rather than on how we can do it. In contrast, spirituality deals with concepts that change our perspective on life (regarding needs, values, and attitudes) which in turn motivate healthy change. Trusting in God’s love and care replaces our negative thinking with a constant source of security and love. This empowers us.
Since it is our understanding of God that inspires our trust, our picture of God is critical for this shift in perspective to occur. However, most of us have been handed a distorted picture of God. We must replace this distortion with a proper understanding of God’s love, or grace. Only then can we effectively connect with Him.
To change our distorted picture of God we must learn to “tame” our "moral policeman" (conscience), for it tends to pressure and prod us into change. This distorts how we see God for it robs us of our freedom and is often thought to be the voice of God. It also creates the wrong focus and methodology for change. Though the issues our conscience raises may be valid, its performance orientation and rigidity are counterproductive. I’m not saying that we just ignore the conscience. What I am saying is that grace, the "people whisperer", must stand between the rigidity and legalism of our conscience and our performance, as a kind of mediator. Here we see that grace is far more than simply forgiveness. Grace softens the rigidity of our conscience by dealing with our issues relationally, offering acceptance rather than judgment, communication rather than demands, freedom rather than pressure, and understanding rather than condemnation.
Goodness is a quality, not simply an action. Goodness must come from the heart. It can’t simply be learned or coerced. For right choices to be genuine, they must be free choices. Only then can the issues involved be addressed on their own merits. God’s love offers us freedom, acceptance and understanding in place of being “guilted” or pressured into action. This motivates us to freely follow Him. Faith in the goodness of God's way motivates us to seek His guidance as the best thing we can do for ourselves.
Changing our hearts also involves dealing with our need life. That endless pursuit of more or different, that we believe will provide us the happiness we are looking for, is the source of so much of our frustration and discontent. For us to be free, 0ur need life must be surrendered, or trusted into God's hands. What we won't let go and trust to God, will rule over us causing stress and pain.
In order to let go of our need life we must take hold of the fact that God is big enough to deal with our needs and concerns. We must trust His promise to provide for our needs and use our circumstances to bless us. Yes, we may experience painful situations, but knowing they will be used for a positive purpose changes everything. We can now trust that God is working through those situations for our best. Learning to trust our lives to God’s gentle care brings freedom and peace. It creates an OPTIMISTIC point of view that empowers our lives.
We can choose to live in the sunshine or under a cloud. We can enjoy the roses or become preoccupied with the thorns. What we allow our minds to dwell upon will create the atmosphere which will either encourage grace or encourage darkness in our lives. Think about what you watch, read and choose to experience. We need to walk in the light of God's grace.
We can either seek to change by directly working on our choices or we can change as we rest in the atmosphere of God's grace. Choosing to live in the light of God’s love and care changes our heart. That is why we need to facilitate that atmosphere. As we learn to experience God’s love and care; peace, joy and love will be the result, or fruit, as the Bible puts it. Peace, joy and love will then inspire, or motivate, right (lawful) choices.
Let me clarify this. Our tendency is to default to directly working on our choices through rules, shoulds, oughts, and musts. Even if we suppose we are tapping into some sort of heavenly power, it amounts to the same thing, a performance orientation. However, spirituality focuses us on the atmosphere that motivates healthy choices. It is an atmosphere full of the the relational qualities of God's love that we must experience daily to keep us from falling into the darkness of doubt and self pity (I Jn).
Walking in the light of God's grace becomes the necessary alternative to the rigidity of our conscience. As our conscience confronts our choices we must ask ourselves the question, how would love relate to me here? The freedom, acceptance, mercy and understanding we experience through God's grace motivates healthy choices and allows us to incorporate right into our lives freely, at our own pace. In grace, God lets us change. There is no need for the counterproductive motivation of guilt or moral pressure.
Sure, there are other choices to be made. Once we have connected with God's love and care, and facilitated a healthy spiritual atmosphere, we need to deal with today's challenges. Appropriate efforts will need to be made. In fact, moving forward is one of the most effective things we can do to deal with our "funks". However, 90% of the battle (trusting in God's love and care) is already won or lost by then.
Our lives are like mirrors, reflecting what we experience. If we turn our mirrors toward the problems and cares of life, that which is negative or violent, or even our own actions, we will reflect that. In contrast, if we turn our thoughts toward the security of God’s love and care, we will reflect peace, joy and love.
The Bible also characterizes our spiritual life as a vine or tree (Jn 15). The gardener does not beg, plead or pressure fruit to grow. He simply cooperates with the principles that facilitate growing a healthy plant. He waters, fertilizes and makes sure the tree gets enough light. Fruit is a byproduct of those efforts. As with fruit, our actions can’t be forced. Like all things in the spiritual life, they must come naturally.
How do I abide in God's love? Connecting with God's love is like putting on a beautiful perfume. As you apply it, you smell its fragrance. However, even when you are preoccupied with other things there is an awareness of its scent. If you begin to see the beauty of God's grace it will naturally attract you attention. It will become a pleasant companion that draws your thoughts. All you need to do is foster that process.
If you think the focus for change should be on doing, then that is what you will do. If you think it involves abiding in God's love, your focus will be there. The doers are the religious, the abiders are the spiritual. We were never meant to be “human doings”, preoccupied with our choices. They should take place in the NOW, inspired by the state of our heart. Instead, the Bible calls us to rest in, or abide in, God's love and care. Resting in God is the obedience of the new covenant. That will inspire right choices, naturally.
Click here to see the practical application of this.
Copyright Patrick Fagenstrom 12/2011 (edited 2/14)
Making positive changes in our lives is not as easy as it sounds. If we really commit to living up to our standards, a funny thing can happen. We find that the pursuit of goodness can itself become a problem creating issues such as guilt, rigidity, legalism, bigotry and pride. The fact is, true goodness can only be achieved by an indirect approach. Working directly on our behavior tends to create more problems that it solves (Rm 7).
We tend to think that change simply involves right choices, but there is more to it than that. Healthy change must take place at a deeper level. It has to do with our heart, the place of our motives, which are in turn driven by things such as needs, values and attitudes.
So how do we change our heart? It involves the two great issues that I address on this web site: 1) the moral atmosphere or covenant [moral policeman or people whisperer] in which we make our choices and 2) the practical application of trust that allows us to let go of our needs and concerns, trusting them to God. Understanding and appropriately addressing these two issues brings moral and circumstantial PEACE, the foundation for spiritual growth.
Though psychology has its faults, it has appropriately pointed out some basic principles regarding how we change. These are actually Biblical principles. Many studies have found that the nature of the client therapist RELATIONSHIP is the most important factor in bringing about positive change in counseling. When qualities and attitudes such as freedom, acceptance, support and compassionate understanding are present, healing takes place. Restated: loving attitudes and support bring healing.
We seem to sense the potential in loving relationships but turn our focus in the wrong direction, to our limited human relationships. Though they can be helpful, our human sources of love are frail. They are often the basis of our problems rather than the solution. Our human sources simply don’t have the ability or consistency needed to be our CORE resource of love and support. They lack the capacity to give us the security we need to move forward with confidence.
This brings us to the issue of our spirituality, our connection with God. I know, many are turned off by religion. It frequently misrepresents God, focusing us on what we should do, rather than on how we can do it. In contrast, spirituality deals with concepts that change our perspective on life (regarding needs, values, and attitudes) which in turn motivate healthy change. Trusting in God’s love and care replaces our negative thinking with a constant source of security and love. This empowers us.
Since it is our understanding of God that inspires our trust, our picture of God is critical for this shift in perspective to occur. However, most of us have been handed a distorted picture of God. We must replace this distortion with a proper understanding of God’s love, or grace. Only then can we effectively connect with Him.
To change our distorted picture of God we must learn to “tame” our "moral policeman" (conscience), for it tends to pressure and prod us into change. This distorts how we see God for it robs us of our freedom and is often thought to be the voice of God. It also creates the wrong focus and methodology for change. Though the issues our conscience raises may be valid, its performance orientation and rigidity are counterproductive. I’m not saying that we just ignore the conscience. What I am saying is that grace, the "people whisperer", must stand between the rigidity and legalism of our conscience and our performance, as a kind of mediator. Here we see that grace is far more than simply forgiveness. Grace softens the rigidity of our conscience by dealing with our issues relationally, offering acceptance rather than judgment, communication rather than demands, freedom rather than pressure, and understanding rather than condemnation.
Goodness is a quality, not simply an action. Goodness must come from the heart. It can’t simply be learned or coerced. For right choices to be genuine, they must be free choices. Only then can the issues involved be addressed on their own merits. God’s love offers us freedom, acceptance and understanding in place of being “guilted” or pressured into action. This motivates us to freely follow Him. Faith in the goodness of God's way motivates us to seek His guidance as the best thing we can do for ourselves.
Changing our hearts also involves dealing with our need life. That endless pursuit of more or different, that we believe will provide us the happiness we are looking for, is the source of so much of our frustration and discontent. For us to be free, 0ur need life must be surrendered, or trusted into God's hands. What we won't let go and trust to God, will rule over us causing stress and pain.
In order to let go of our need life we must take hold of the fact that God is big enough to deal with our needs and concerns. We must trust His promise to provide for our needs and use our circumstances to bless us. Yes, we may experience painful situations, but knowing they will be used for a positive purpose changes everything. We can now trust that God is working through those situations for our best. Learning to trust our lives to God’s gentle care brings freedom and peace. It creates an OPTIMISTIC point of view that empowers our lives.
We can choose to live in the sunshine or under a cloud. We can enjoy the roses or become preoccupied with the thorns. What we allow our minds to dwell upon will create the atmosphere which will either encourage grace or encourage darkness in our lives. Think about what you watch, read and choose to experience. We need to walk in the light of God's grace.
We can either seek to change by directly working on our choices or we can change as we rest in the atmosphere of God's grace. Choosing to live in the light of God’s love and care changes our heart. That is why we need to facilitate that atmosphere. As we learn to experience God’s love and care; peace, joy and love will be the result, or fruit, as the Bible puts it. Peace, joy and love will then inspire, or motivate, right (lawful) choices.
Let me clarify this. Our tendency is to default to directly working on our choices through rules, shoulds, oughts, and musts. Even if we suppose we are tapping into some sort of heavenly power, it amounts to the same thing, a performance orientation. However, spirituality focuses us on the atmosphere that motivates healthy choices. It is an atmosphere full of the the relational qualities of God's love that we must experience daily to keep us from falling into the darkness of doubt and self pity (I Jn).
Walking in the light of God's grace becomes the necessary alternative to the rigidity of our conscience. As our conscience confronts our choices we must ask ourselves the question, how would love relate to me here? The freedom, acceptance, mercy and understanding we experience through God's grace motivates healthy choices and allows us to incorporate right into our lives freely, at our own pace. In grace, God lets us change. There is no need for the counterproductive motivation of guilt or moral pressure.
Sure, there are other choices to be made. Once we have connected with God's love and care, and facilitated a healthy spiritual atmosphere, we need to deal with today's challenges. Appropriate efforts will need to be made. In fact, moving forward is one of the most effective things we can do to deal with our "funks". However, 90% of the battle (trusting in God's love and care) is already won or lost by then.
Our lives are like mirrors, reflecting what we experience. If we turn our mirrors toward the problems and cares of life, that which is negative or violent, or even our own actions, we will reflect that. In contrast, if we turn our thoughts toward the security of God’s love and care, we will reflect peace, joy and love.
The Bible also characterizes our spiritual life as a vine or tree (Jn 15). The gardener does not beg, plead or pressure fruit to grow. He simply cooperates with the principles that facilitate growing a healthy plant. He waters, fertilizes and makes sure the tree gets enough light. Fruit is a byproduct of those efforts. As with fruit, our actions can’t be forced. Like all things in the spiritual life, they must come naturally.
How do I abide in God's love? Connecting with God's love is like putting on a beautiful perfume. As you apply it, you smell its fragrance. However, even when you are preoccupied with other things there is an awareness of its scent. If you begin to see the beauty of God's grace it will naturally attract you attention. It will become a pleasant companion that draws your thoughts. All you need to do is foster that process.
If you think the focus for change should be on doing, then that is what you will do. If you think it involves abiding in God's love, your focus will be there. The doers are the religious, the abiders are the spiritual. We were never meant to be “human doings”, preoccupied with our choices. They should take place in the NOW, inspired by the state of our heart. Instead, the Bible calls us to rest in, or abide in, God's love and care. Resting in God is the obedience of the new covenant. That will inspire right choices, naturally.
Click here to see the practical application of this.
Copyright Patrick Fagenstrom 12/2011 (edited 2/14)
